I don’t know what else I can do. It’s 4 AM. I’m sorry.
This is hard and I want to shut the door in it’s face but I also want to let it in and nurse it back to health. I have never been so indecisive about anything before and it makes me angry and sad. I suppose I just need to let it go.
"Some things, once you’ve loved them, become yours forever. And if you try to let them go, they only circle back and return to you. They become part of who you are, or they destroy you.”
I’m not much around anymore with all of this Lucien stuff going around. He has his own blog too which is strange because sometimes you go to look at it and you can see little pieces of each of us. I wonder and am concerned that that’s what it’ll be like if we ever permanently integrated. Glad this is false/temporary. Lu is doing better than my father alone though so I can’t complain.
I can’t complain at all.
And really there’s no reason for me to be here alone unless we are sick. It’s a nice feeling to not be in charge, and not have people relying on you. I’m only here now when we’re with Lucien or when we’re sick.
I quite like that.
Jonah’s been changing up Lucien’s blog, and ended up making some changes for me as well. I didn’t want the fish anymore. Out with the old and in with the new. :) Good night.